I WAS BAD WITH MONEY. It's not the budget that is broken..is YOU!

jenny martinez
May 25
4 min read

I used to think I was just “bad” with money.

Let’s start with the truth: I’ve never really been “good” with money.

Not in the traditional, spreadsheet-loving, always-saving-for-a-rainy-day kind of way. Not the girl with color-coded envelopes or a picture-perfect emergency fund. Not even close.

I wasn’t racking up credit card debt on designer bags or flying first-class to Paris. But I was overspending — consistently, quietly, in small ways that felt like nothing in the moment… and added up to a whole lot of nothing left.

Every coffee I justified. Every Target run that turned into a cart full of “just a few things.”Every impulse Amazon order when I was stressed, overwhelmed, or needed to feel a little in control of something — anything.

That was me. Lying to myself. Telling myself I was fine. That I had it under control. That the little splurges weren’t hurting anyone.

But deep down, I knew. I wasn’t budgeting. I wasn’t being intentional. I was guessing — and praying the math would magically work out.

It didn’t. Most of the time, it never does.

And I started asking myself — maybe the same thing you’re asking now: Why do we do this to ourselves?

surreal moments: Presenting my Budgeting Workshop at PS 58 in the Bronx. Organized by my friends at HOPE.

It Wasn’t the Budget — It Was Me

I tried to fix it the “right” way.

I downloaded the pretty spreadsheets. Bought the planner. Signed up for the budgeting app. Watched the money gurus tell me how I needed to “just be more disciplined.”

But nothing stuck. Nothing felt like mine. And every time I couldn’t stick to the formula, I blamed myself. Again. Not because I was lazy. But because the systems I was trying to follow were never made for someone like me.

They weren’t built for people who:

Are trying to raise kids while caregiving for a parent
Are running a business from the kitchen table
Are still untangling emotional money habits rooted in survival, not success
Are exhausted and spending because it feels like the only reward they can afford

Most of the advice out there doesn’t make space for that. For us. For our real lives.

So, when I couldn’t do it perfectly, I gave up. And when I gave up, the shame came in like clockwork.

From Hiding to Honesty

There wasn’t a dramatic moment. No rock bottom. No big financial disaster.

I just got tired of feeling anxious every time I swiped. Tired of not knowing if my card would go through. Tired of smiling at brunch while silently calculating if I could cover rent next week.

So, I did something radical: I told myself the truth. And then I started small.

I began tracking where my money actually went — not where I thought it was going. I started asking myself — every time I was about to spend — Do I need this? Or do I just need a feeling? I stopped punishing myself for not being “disciplined” enough and instead started showing up for my finances like I show up for everything else in my life — with care, with consistency, and with grace.

Things I Had to Unlearn (Maybe You Do Too)

There were beliefs I had to let go of — slowly, painfully, but necessarily. Maybe they’ll sound familiar.

Avoidance isn’t protection. It’s actually the most expensive decision we make. Late fees, overdraft charges, missed opportunities — they come with a heavy cost.
Spending isn’t evil. But emotional spending without awareness? That’s what keeps us trapped. That’s what leaves us with nothing to show for our work.
“No spend” months don’t fix anything if we haven’t addressed why we’re spending in the first place.
Guilt is not a money strategy. You don’t need more shame. You need more clarity.

What Helped Me Reset

Honestly? I had to see my money — like really see it. I am old school: pen and paper and touching things work for me. So, I started using a simple cash envelope system inside a budget binder I found on Amazon. It wasn’t fancy. But it gave me structure. And that structure gave me peace.

I labeled one envelope “groceries,” one “joy,” one “savings,” one “bills.”It slowed me down. Made me intentional. And for once… I didn’t feel like I was failing.

→ Here’s the one I used. Nothing fancy, just honest.

I Built the Challenge I Needed

I created the Track Your Money Challenge not to “coach” you, but to offer what I wish I had when I was too overwhelmed to budget — and too ashamed to admit it.

It’s soft. It’s clear. It’s the starting line for anyone who’s ready to stop guessing.

You can download the tracker and do it in 10 quiet minutes a day. No pressure. No judgment. Just truth.

→ Download it here and start your own reset.

If You’re Still Reading…

I can give you all the tools that helped me. I can show you the trackers, the tricks, the templates — and I will. But none of it matters if you don’t want this for yourself.

You have to want the clarity. You have to want the reset. You have to want your peace more than your patterns. It’s been almost three years since I walked away from the business I once dreamt of and built — because it no longer served me, my peace or family. It became a black hole sinking me. Almost six years since I walked away from a corporate desk that looked stable but cost me parts of myself. And it hasn’t been easy. It’s been heartache. It’s been tears. Loss. Uncertainty. Impostor syndrome. Fear. I cry a lot. Not because I’m weak — but because it’s a release. A clearing. A softening.

And still… underneath all of that? There’s always been a voice in me that says, “Keep showing up. Keep serving. Keep growing.” Because that’s the real work.

And if you’re still reading this?You already feel it too.

You want better. You’re just scared to start. And that’s okay. Start scared. Start soft. Just start.

But know this: Things will only change when you make the conscious decision that enough is enough. That the fog doesn’t get to win. That you’re ready to do the work — and not just once, but daily.

So, let’s go.

With you, always,