When Momhood Isn’t the Whole Plan: On Starting Over, Special Needs, and Financial Resilience

jenny martinez
May 12
4 min read

dedicated to my Mami. Thank you... how did you handle all this? with such grace.

I am 45. A mom of two children on the spectrum. A daughter to a mother with dementia. A woman rebuilding after a painful business fallout with a partner I trusted—and thought of as a brother. And like many of you reading this—I never expected to start over, especially not now.

But here I am. Starting again.

For a long time, I told myself I was “doing fine.” I stayed busy: events, playdates, time with my husband, advocating for my children, checking in on my mother, trying to hold up a business that was quietly falling apart behind the scenes. I was being everything to everyone—mom, daughter, partner, entrepreneur, caretaker. But in all that giving, I stopped being anything to myself.

Somewhere between IEP meetings, unpaid invoices, sleepless nights, and wondering how I’d make rent—I forgot that I mattered too.

And the truth?

I’ve been so bad to me. I missed my own doctor’s appointments. I skipped meals. I poured into everyone else while running on empty. I coached other women on planning, protecting, and preparing—but wasn’t practicing any of it for myself.

I was Underprotected. Underprepared. Overwhelmed. I was living in reaction mode, not in readiness. I had become the cautionary tale I warn others about.

The Fear I Carry in My Chest

If I’m being completely honest...Some days, the fear isn’t just about my kids. It’s about me.

I look at the elders in my family—women who worked their whole lives and still ended up with nothing. No retirement. No home. No legacy. Just survival.

I don’t have an inheritance. I don’t have a pension or a paid-off home, I am not certain my kids would be able to help me financially when I’m older. and even if they could i don't want to burden my kids with taking from their own families. So, I ask myself: What does my retirement even look like? Who will care for me the way I’ve cared for everyone else?

It’s a terrifying thought—that I could give everything, love deeply, raise incredible humans… and still grow old scared and unprepared. But that fear? It also became the turning point. The moment I realized I needed to start planning—not just for them, but for me.

The Quiet Fear I Never Said Out Loud

As a special needs mom, you carry a different kind of weight. It’s not just about packed lunches and homework—it’s about the lifelong what ifs:

What if something happens to me?
Are they going to be able to live alone, go to college, find love, get a job?
What if something happens to Alexis?
Will there be enough structure, enough love, enough money?

These aren’t just worries. They’re shadows that creep into our daily routine and stretch long into the night. And yet—I wasn’t preparing for the version of life where I wasn’t here to manage it all. I wasn’t even preparing them for that version either. That realization knocked the wind out of me. Because love isn’t enough. LOVE, PROSPERITY AND CALM... ALL THOSE GOALS AND THINGS I WANT... THAT PINTEREST BOARD, THAT NEEDS A PLAN.

From Chaos to Clarity: The 3 Tools That Helped Me Rebuild

I don't have it all figured out. I still cry after leaving my mom every morning. I still mess up. But now—I have a plan. And these three tools are where I began to rebuild:

1. Create a Family Emergency Binder

I started writing everything down: doctors, medications, routines, passwords, contacts, power of attorney info—everything. I used this simple binder from Amazon —nothing fancy, just a practical way to give my family peace of mind if I wasn’t around. This little thing this little habit, gives me confidence and peace. just aaaah!

2. Automate the Little Wins

I couldn’t save huge amounts, I still can't. I have two kids, and my mother is social security only..but I could earn little wins. I started using Rakuten to earn cashback on all the things I was already buying—therapy supplies, groceries, school items. Sign up here and get $40 when you shop. It’s free, and those small savings matter more than you think. Please its not like shop to get cashback. NO. It's if i need to get Joaco crocs this summer, you better believe I'm logging thru Rakuten to get that cashback and any other coupon applied. And also works for in store purchases.

3. Protect What You Can

Although I knew and understood the value of Life insurance since i have been in the field for 15 years. I was embarrassed to push people to understand it, especially my own people who think of GoFundMe as burial insurance or emergency planning. It used to scare me—until I realized it’s not about death. It’s about dignity. It’s about protecting my children and giving them structure and options if I’m not here. It is about knowledge, to understand concepts that are applied in leveraging and broadening my options in where to put money. Even a basic policy can give your family direction when the world feels like it’s falling apart. And if you don’t know where to start—I’ll Walk you through it. No pressure. Just real talk.

If You’re Staring at the Ceiling at 2 A.M.

You’re not failing. You’re not behind. You’re just overdue for your own plan.

If any part of this feels familiar—please don’t do it alone. Whether you’re a mom, a caregiver, a woman who’s had to start over, a single gal who is not going to settle for anything less than what she deserves or a business owner just trying to breathe again—I see you. I am you.

And I’m here to help. Here is my Calendly, feel free to book a complimentary clarity session.